Betrayed by my subconscious

>> Wednesday, September 17, 2008

I had my first school dreams last night since I started college for my child development degree. While I've definitely been stressing out about each class individually, I hadn't realized how I'm stressing out about where I see myself in the end.

First I dreamed that I was a new Administrator. I quietly eased myself into a chair at the back of a Junior High classroom to do an informal observation of the teacher. The teacher was a grumpy sort. I asked some kid for a piece of paper because I'd forgotten mine, and the teacher started yelling at the kid for interrupting class, made a (verbal) example of him, and sent him out of the room. Seeing as how it was my fault, I spoke up to try to help the kid, and the teacher walked right up to me, loomed over me and started yelling at me. I was so stunned that I just sat there. The teacher left the room to get the kid and while they were gone, I resolved *just exactly* what I was going to say to that teacher in the presence of the class. Woke up before I got to say it. (Incidentally, and probably unrelated, I had the idea that the teacher was female, but they looked suspiciously like my 6th grade Social Studies teacher, who was not.)

Then I dreamed that I was co-teaching 2nd Grade kids with two other teachers, and there was this period of time every day when we sent the kids to another class elsewhere, which was theoretically a theatre class. After doing this for a while, I decided I was curious about how the class went, so I watched it for a couple minutes. Turned out that it was something along the lines of a Moulin Rouge live dancing show. Understandably, I was quite upset, but for some reason I had no power to just jump in and break it up. Very diplomatically I went to my co-teachers and explained what was going on and that I felt something should be done, that a nearly-naked-women Moulin Rouge show *probably* wasn't appropriate for 2nd Grade boys, but that I realized my convictions were quite a lot stronger than theirs and so we should probably sit down and discuss it. Then we were sitting at a lunch table in a cafeteria discussing when would be a good time to discuss it, since we didn't want the children in on the conversation. Then I woke up.

So I guess I'm feeling... what? Powerless yet motivated to change? Kinda reflects my whole previous experience in teaching: not given the status to do what I'm told to do, always deciding what should be done about it, but never given the opportunity to put the plan into action. Yeah. Hopefully my current plans will break the cycle.

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About This Blog

Life is about changes; transitions from one place to another, from one purpose to another, from one being to another. They say that the person you are today is a completely different person from who you were ten years ago and who you'll be ten years from now. So far, at the age of 33, I've had four major transitions in my life which redefined who I am. Two years into the results of the most recent transition I am again - still - exploring how God is shaping me. Over the next few months I hope to review my past and set goals for the future, and embrace the next adventure of rediscovering me.
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