Since my last general post here on Rediscovering Me, we were blessed with two foster boys, currently both aged 3 (one just turned, one to be 4 next week). I've been, understandably, eaten mostly alive. I've posted a few times since June 6 on the adoption blog, linked above, and that's where I'm brain dumping my ideas on parenting. Feel free to jump on over there and see what's going on in our world right now.
Read more...For anyone who may only be keeping up with us through this blog (though I don't think there really is anyone, but just in case) I realized I forgot to update from three posts ago.
The week before Christmas our cat Colin went off to chase mice in our heavenly mansion. I trust he'll keep it clean and cozy for us until we need it.
Also, there have been updates on the adoption blog, which you can find on the link at the top of the page.
Christmas was a mixed bag; it was good to see relatives, but it was a really stressful point in my life so it got a bit difficult at times. Mostly I'm grateful to have gotten settled back into a post-holiday, and even post-sick-cat, routine. We think our other two cats have settled into their new routine and hierarchy, and it's much more relaxed around the house now. Since school's done, and the social worker was extremely optimistic, I'm allowing myself to use a couple weeks to recharge and rest before children arrive. I do need to set myself a 'time to get back at it' date, though, just in case it takes longer than expected.
Another major transition point is on the horizon. We can see it, though there's some stuff along the road that we need to get through before riding off into its sunset.
Transitions annoy me because each time they unsettle me more than the last time, while simultaneously exciting me about new potentials. They exhaust me, fill me with fear, and fill me with joyful anticipation and the ability to satisfy my logical self in planning and organization, though this time I think I'm leaning more heavily on the fear side simply because I can't visualize what's coming next. Less possible planning equals less overall excitement.
Some of these transitions are not pleasant. Our cat, Colin, is still ill and will not recover, though he's soldiering on very well... until this past week, when he started having major problems with one of his teeth. It's falling out, but not pleasantly and with lots of blood, causing him to claw at his face and go a bit insane on occasion. We know it hurts because he started biting us today (firmly, while not breaking the skin) to let us know he wasn't happy. We will be taking him in to the vet this afternoon, but since he's ill and on meds we don't know if he's going to make it through the dental, for which they will probably have to sedate him. So either this transition will happen tonight, or he'll make it through the dental and the transition will continue slowly over the next month or two. Either way, we're trying to keep up with the emotional adjustments.
Some of these transitions are exciting and potentially happy, though also somewhat apprehensive. We received our letter stating that our home study is approved and cleared and we can start the search (again). Our social worker will be (date unknown) sending it on to the county foster care office for their part of the drama, but we're that much closer. Once they're done with it and we know what else we need to do, we'll begin being parents. Theoretically. We're collecting up whatever supplies we can find; thankfully, a lot of our friends have children this age and have been giving us some things their child has grown out of, so we've got a good start. Many foster kids may come here with just what they're wearing, and will take with them anything we give them, so we'll be needing pretty consistent restocking of baby and toddler clothes. We're hoping to go with cloth diapers and mostly homemade baby food (though we're not quite as sold on that one) so it'll basically be the clothes and toothbrushes we'll have to keep replacing. (If you feel led to donate your gently worn baby stuff to a worthy cause, feel free!)
Finally, I've begun my final class for school. My graduation day is officially the last day of class, though commencement is in July, and that last day of class is the day after my 34th birthday. (Talk about another transition. I feel old!) My course right now is a process of summarizing the last three years, researching a variety of occupations I could chose with this degree, and writing a resume and cover letter for some of them. In other words, this six-week course is mostly a focus on 'what are you going to do next?' Since that's completely dependent on what happens with the foster care, and so far "Foster Parent" isn't a paid occupation available to research, I'm having a lot of emotional upheaval already in the first week. I've gone back to school to actually learn and become a better teacher and person. I get extremely frustrated when my schoolwork can't be applied to my real life, and so I try to find ways to be honest and make it real even when it's a stretch. In this case I'll have to either consider the possibility I will not be a parent OR that I will not have a career, OR make the decision to completely BS this class. None of those sit well with me. And I'm still firmly stuck in the fact that if for some reason there are no children to place with us come January, I'll have a degree that I won't feel safe getting a full-time job with in case we do get a child, and I'll have no idea what the immediate future holds. In other words, all those times we get the question "Where do you see yourself in five years?" is really boiling down to the fact that I can't see where I'll be in two months, and that is really extremely unsettling. It's kind of strange having an exact date for it, too... "On January 17, 2011, I will wake up to a completely new life, and I have no idea what it is." Weird.
So... it's transition time. I think maybe I need to start creating a Plan C so I don't go insane. For now, though, I think I'll go write a paper and get this show on the road.
How in the world is it November already? Seriously, folks, slow down!
That said, we've only had the heat on for less than a week, and now today's high is 75 degrees, and we're out on the porch in short sleeves. It really is quite lovely, and gives us a great opportunity to air out the house.
I'm feeling a little bit better, but not a whole lot. The cough has changed, so I guess that's a good thing? I don't know. But it's finally getting to wear on my very last nerve. Ah, well. At least I can sleep laying down again.
This week is very stressful. Tomorrow morning we have the Certified Investigator coming for our first of two long homestudy interviews (more info on the adoption blog). Lanse is on crunch time at work, and is extremely stressed out from that. We're travelling for the holiday, so I'm trying to work ahead on my schoolwork, which means that Thursday I'm doing a classroom observation two weeks early, which necessitates me getting two weeks of reading done by then. And Colin is still very sick, and we're extremely unsettled about what could potentially happen while we're away, with pretty much every possibility. I also have to finish up creating some things that I need to take with us when we go.
That said, I'm relatively cheerful, and we've been having a lot of wonderful time with the Eastvolds (our goddaughter and her family). We'll be cat sitting for their new cat Napoleon while they're away this weekend, and that should be fun. He's very playful and snuggly. I'm also very much enjoying the reading I have in school, which is about the importance of the arts in early childhood education. Very cool stuff. So over all, I guess things are going well enough. We are definitely blessed.
Somehow I forgot this existed for a little bit. I guess I do go in phases, but I think this may have been my longest silence. Sorry about that.
I just posted an update on the adoption blog. Click the link on the header to read it!
I'm really not feeling that newsy at the moment, so I'll leave you with this photo of Lanse reflecting at the reflecting pool at Drayton Hall.
So life was trucking along on a relatively even pace when it was suddenly stunned by everything happening at once. (Thus, of course, I blog. *heh*)
In a burst of uncharacteristic motivation, I spent all last week learning. I learned about Anglicans, I learned about children's health, I learned about Social Services, I learned about Academic Advising, I learned a bit about my instructor, I learned some XML, and I learned about myself.
'Twas an awful lot of learnin', and it made my brain hurt.
So I'll try to make this quick:
Every time I think of the word 'paradigm' I relive the Salad Years skit from my Wheaton days. Salad Years was the student TV show, and one skit was two people imitating the Sesame Street two-headed monster doing a compound word thing. They did 'paradigm', except instead of 'para-dime' they said 'para-diggum'. It was amusing. I think you had to be there.
("para"...."diggum"...."para"...."diggum"...."PARADIGGUM!" "hey, there goes my dignity!")
Looovely.
And also very off-track.
Anyway, yesterday morning the phone woke me up, which is never a good way to start any day. But the weather was nice, and aside from being groggy I was mostly pleasant. The phone call was Frances from the mortgage company calling to verify when would be a good time to schedule closing on our refinance. She said she was spending the day filling out the forms for us and we'd probably close Thursday (today) or Friday afternoon. This was about... 9:30. OK, great, we've been waiting for a closing date for a month now. Fantastic!
I go about the morning, doing my morning things, and get ready to settle into schoolwork after lunch. The phone rings, and Frances tells me that not only can we not close on the refinance, but our home didn't even qualify for that loan in the first place. The loan officer was supposed to have checked our property values in their database, which apparently he didn't; so the only way we could continue is if we have a minimum of 10K out of pocket to bring with us. So not cool. So the refinance is cancelled, we're trying to see if we can get our non-refundable application fee (minus the assessment cost) back because the guy should have known we couldn't apply for it. We haven't heard back yet.
While I was finishing up on the phone with Frances (and trying not to throw my phone through the screen on the porch) our adoption case worker beeped in. She called back when I was off the phone, just to tell us that the homestudy she promised would be done by either last or this Friday hadn't been started yet. I'm not upset, there's good reasons, but I'm disappointed. Check the adoption blog for more details on that call.
So. Two upsetting and potentially life-changing things; but really it was a matter that in both cases we'd spent the last weeks or months anticipating a more comfortable and responsible moving-forward kind of life. I spent the rest of the day making calls and rearranging our financial goals and realigning my mental concepts of the near future. And relaying this all to Lanse, who was none-too-pleased as I was but processes things differently. It was an... interesting... rest of the day. Aside from a discussion reply or two, schoolwork wasn't part of it. But Lanse allowed an attack of Demon Housekeeper and stress-cleaned the main living areas and our bedroom, a quality of his in which I am very pleased. I just wish stress didn't have to be the trigger.
Some positive things happened though too. I wrapped up loose ends on the property tax snafu, and we actually can pay our mortgage and live off our income "comfortably" (in quotes, because we personally don't need much to feel comfortable; others would find our budget restrictive) and I finally got our March-April budget sorted out. We don't need the refinance to afford the house, and that's a huge sigh of relief.
That said, a little bit extra would be a great thing so we can start paying down some loans, so I'm wanting to put a little more focus in the concept of an Etsy shop with my quilting and jewelry stuff. I'm hoping to get the beading ladies at the game store to teach me some cool stuff that I can sell or give with Christmas in mind. Christmas took a big chunk out of our December budget last year, so anything I can do ahead would be good.
And then there's always schoolwork. Sigh. I suppose I should get to it.
I seem to be taking long breaks in blogging now. (Long being, ya know, a few days... which some consider normal...) Anyway. That happens when I get so stressed out that depression slugs me upside the head, and I bury myself in some computer game (thanks Sarah) and convince myself that it's acceptable because there's Real People there! It's a social life.... right? RIGHT?? Ya, right.
Anyway, the financial problems of yesterweek have been mostly resolved. The property tax form was filed, though we haven't heard back yet. We received our home refinancing packet, I read every single word and wrote down questions, played phone tag, got my questions answered, and put it in the mail. Sallie Mae approved my new school loan even though I didn't finish my FAFSA (apparently the FAFSA is for the new loans in June, and I needed to just renew with Sallie for Spring Term.) FAFSA's waiting on our tax return. Our taxes are nearly done, but we have to wait for the revised property tax form. We made it to the end of our budget cycle without starving. (Well, we did let ourselves get really hungry, Dave would be mad, but only because we had $24 left in grocery for the final two days and didn't want to risk running over if we went to the store.) We realized that between our brick-and-mortar bank and ING we were getting confused and needed all our records in one place, so I spent yesterday uploading everything into Quicken online. Now we can see all our money, which is very nice, but the budget function on Quicken is quite incompatible with the way in which I budget, not to mention that we budget from the 15th and not the 1st because the mortgage takes most of the 1sts paycheck, so it's not transferring budgetary numbers properly for me. Gads, I'm such the nerd.
Other than that, school term's almost done. This is the last week of Winter term, and I have one short paper to write and a short list of web resources to submit by Sunday night. I'm still pulling a 4.0, but this CD class has been a pain in the behind due to the instructor's lack of presence. Then we have next week off. Yay! So if I finished homework today I could have a week and a half off! (I probably won't.) The following Monday starts Spring term and a course on Childhood Health and Safety, along with its Making Connections "lab" class. Rootin'-tootin' fun, lemme tell ya.
Spook has finished his meds and is acting much better, which is a huge relief. This was liquid amoxycilin, which I can't spell, but it meant as soon as Lanse squirted it in his mouth, Spook could spit and spray and shake and splatter everything within ten feet with it. While Lanse claims that pilling a cat is harder than this, it's certainly less messy. I'm glad that's done with.
Next Friday morning we have our Fire inspection and then I head off to our church's Women's Retreat at Camp St. Christopher on the beach. The weekend after that Lanse and I go to Woodlands for our anniversary weekend (which isn't until the end of May but we could get a good deal now because it's off season). So, school vacation + women's retreat + 10th anniversary bed & breakfast... sounds like I'm lined up for some relaxation and refocusing! The timing's definitely good. Also, maybe, all depends, the last chance for some time if God works the adoption stuff quickly.
Finally, I'm working with our clergy to develop an adoption resource for our church, since a lot of members have adopted or are currently or are somehow otherwise related to it. "We" is pretty much all me for the moment as I organize some resources. Now if only people would get back to me...
We passed with flying colors! It wasn't complicated, but it was important. I have to go fall down now; the adrenaline rush and now letdown has caused a bit of exhaustion.
More details at 11:00... or, well, whenever I get around to writing them. I'll probably put them on the adoption blog, so check there later on.
Thanks for your prayers, everyone. We could feel them! We even slept last night!
Thursday morning around 11:30 is our first county/state inspection for the adoption. I haven't posted here because pretty much all of our weekend has revolved around the last-minute projects we had to do for it, as well as just doing homework and going to church. If you would like more of an update on the last couple of days, please check our adoption blog!
Read more...In an effort to drag myself out of my depressed crazies with intention, I arranged to make excuse to do my homework at church today. I need a public place to ignore in order to actually focus on what I'm doing. But in order for me to be there, we all felt it was better for me to volunteer and do a couple odd jobs before settling in.
I arrived a bit after ten, hung out and chatted in the office, punched, collated and finished creation of the latest batch of directories for Cathy McG, finished the pamphlet I volunteered to do on Friday for the C4K project for Cathy J, ate some lunch, got the call to schedule the health inspection, freaked out and called family, and then opened my textbook... to see it was almost 2:00. I read about 10 pages and then came home. Still better than nothing.
Actually accomplishing helpful work at the church really made me realize how much ministry means to me. I enjoyed working at Grace Covenant with the school so much I know I want to do something like that, but I didn't realize how much of it was ministry work in general... I've focused my degree on the children, which was also a huge part of it, but it's the church environment over all that moves me, and I'd thought it was the classroom. I may start to refine my future plans, just based on this morning. This could be a good thing.
Then I came home, ate more, zoned out, arranged with mom to maybe get a free living room set (but we have to get a truck to move it from Charlotte, so it won't be ALL free) and then we biked up and down the street. We have a cul-de-sac on each end, so in the end it makes a nice longish ride for me. Plus it was cold, so we kinda booked it home.
I'm pleased. I think I'll have a much better time being responsible and taking care of myself if I just determine that I'll probably get around to it eventually, but there's no pressure. I work better that way.
Despite yesterday's good intentions, I woke up with the migraine from hell this morning and after I finally dragged out of bed, sat staring comatose at my computer most of the day until just about an hour ago when the drugs finally kicked in. Even so, I've talked to Bert a number of times, got the vet records scanned and emailed, and finally printed out the fire escape route floor plans we have to hang on the wall. I also remembered that our agency has discussion forums, and chatted in there a bit.
More updated info on the adoption blog, again.
Just a bit ago, I checked my school communication thing in my classroom to discover that my instructor has actually been adding comments to all my papers throughout the term, in additional text boxes in blue text down the right margin, but none of them have been showing up in my returned graded papers. So all this time I've been upset that she never comments, and she actually has been. But because she started all my papers with a note across the top, I didn't realize I was missing something. So we're going to find a way to get my comments to me, hopefully, and we'll hope that I wasn't supposed to be building on things she said. My grade seems to say that I'm doing fine, which is a relief. I just wish I hadn't felt so annoyed about her not doing her job as a prof, since apparently she was and it was the technology that failed me.
So far today I have:
Holy cow... how'd it get to be December already??
Thanksgiving was really relaxing, over all. We went to my folks' in Charlotte, but we'd had a huge Thanksgiving to-do when my brother and fam were there a couple of weeks prior, so we just kinda chilled out, had a regular-sized meal (but with nice dishes and appropriate traditional items, just not as many), watched a lot of movies, did a couple of my favorite Christmas puzzles. Went out driving with my dad just to drive around, hung out with mom watching movies, read three of four of the Wrinkle in Time books. Lanse painted a lot and hung out with the local gamers he knows from Rattrap Productions. Pretty relaxing.
Also, FYI... there's a new post on our adoption blog.
I've been fascinated to see via the live feed gadget who visits my blog! I'm really curious.... Chelmsford, Essex, who are you? Feel free to leave me a comment! :)
I decided since we've got enough posts on our adoption process all over the internet in various forms, I'm combining them into one website. Stop on over and read our Tryon Adoption Story. It's growing slowly as I collect stuff; won't be up to date for a bit yet.
Read more...The more I browse and think and learn via email groups, the more I'm realizing I really want a girl. I know that I can love little boys too, and the wait for a girl is incredibly long, (more so the younger you want), plus if we were just to get pregnant, we wouldn't have a choice. So I don't know that it's worth saying anything about it. But I feel like I understand girls better, and while I know there are sports-oriented girls, I oddly feel like I can handle that better than sports-oriented boys. I haven't had a whole lot of experience with little boys, but all the ones that I have known have been very physical without a whole lot of reasoning skills. That makes me nervous, I don't know quite how to relate to it. Granted, the younger they are the more we can influence that sort of thing to some extent. And it's not just a sports thing, that's just an area in which the kind of thing I'm talking about often appears. I just tend to 'get' a higher percentage of girls than I do boys.
I also find myself still very drawn towards sibling groups (just 2), partly because we know we eventually want two anyway and I really don't want to go through this crazy government process again, and also because I feel like if there's two kids who are good at relying on each other it'd be some sort of comfort for the transition. Plus, ya know, I like kids. Since we're also looking at out-of-state adoption, I worry about the impact of removing an already-wounded child from everyone that's familiar to them. When I moved to NY it was by choice to an extended (married in) family that loved me, but no one really understood me at all; the only evidence of my past was my stuff (which many adopted kids come without), and even though I was an adult who had control over the situation it took a long hard time for me to get through it. I can only imagine what it would be like for a 5 year old kid feeling that kind of thing. I think having a brother or sister along for the ride would be a major benefit for them in an out-of-state, too-far-to-visit-often situation.
Oddly, I'm also finding myself drawn to pre-teen girls. Yes, I know, pre-teen girls are traditionally crazy even when they're not adopted kids. What in the world am I thinking?? Yes, older kids have gone through a lot, and there's a lot of physical risk when older kids decide to throw some kind of fit or something. Yes, there's hormones and other random stuff that comes with that. But we have five pre-teen/teenager friends (kids of friends, and other kids who show up to play games at the game store, some from crazy broken up home lives) who we get along with really well. We seem to really understand issues facing them (these specific ones, anyway) which even a lot of traditional style parents don't. We obviously wouldn't take just anyone, but according to what I've been reading, there are some older kids out there who are aware of their situations, able to reason and (within age-appropriate limits) make reasonable choices, want to work with the therapists and take their meds, who really just want to succeed, but nobody wants them because of their age. Yes, of course it'll be hard, but they're kids... all kids are hard, just in different ways at different stages. I feel like, chosen carefully, we have something to offer.
So all of this is to say that I'm very unsettled! None of what I've written here actually fits the paperwork we filled out. And obviously we don't want to get in over our heads; we must be able to provide for all the needs of whatever children we have in our home. But I feel like 'one toddler boy' could maybe not be the direction we're meant to be gearing up for.
When we pray for guidance, make choices based on the options available and then pray for peace, and peace is not forthcoming, doesn't that mean that perhaps we should reevaluate the choices?
Bert is our Social Worker, Yolanda Roberta. I sent her an email last week with some questions, and she called last night to discuss them. This is part of the whole process of her getting a feel for who we are as individuals and what we want as a family, so it's a pretty important thing! I thought it was pretty cool that she called instead of emailing, except for the fact that I now have nothing in writing. So I'm going to put it here so that I have it written down, also because I think they're good questions and may clarify some things for friends and family about how this system works. These are in no particular order, except that I tried to put first the ones that I'd already mentioned elsewhere in the blog.
Things we're pretty sure we need to do for the inspection:
1. Clean the garage. This is scary, cuz it's still crowded from moving in. Even though we won't really do stuff in there, fire code needs an obvious and unimpeded path from the kitchen door to the exit.
2. Organize and bin up extra crap around the house, especially stuff being stored in our child's room.
3. Childproof the house. Now I'm sure the first thing you think about are locking cabinets and plugging outlets and putting up baby gates. But remember, I'm the height of a 5 year old, so almost EVERYTHING WE OWN is in my reach. Including scissors, knives, heavy and/or fragile objects, china dishes, cleaning supplies, medications, cat food... you name it, they can get it. This prospect frankly terrifies me. We haven't even got the proper kind of furniture to put a lot of this stuff out of reach and have me use a step stool, since we buy furniture that's me-accessible. If we had that I'd feel a bit better. I may just choose to bin everything until we can budget for more lockable or tall furniture. We also need to replace or add locks to the outside porch door and maybe the front door, since those are very easy to open as well.
4. Make a decision about the play structure in the back, and then do something about it. Some of the higher pieces of wood are splitting and the top level is really rickety and missing some side slats. We could A) fix up what we have, B) remove the scary top level which a kid the age we're looking for shouldn't use anyway and leave the short level with the slide and trap door and then do lots of TLC to it, or C) just take the whole thing down and use it to heat the house in the fireplace in January. Considering January cost us $200 more than any other month last year in heating, that actually is more appealing than I want to admit.
5. Clean up anything scary around the shed like broken glass or boards with nails in it. The shed itself is barred so I can't even get in, so I don't think we'll have to do stuff there. Some day soon we want to tear it down.
6. Do some weeding. Seems weird, but we have spiny vine weed things crawling along the front walk and coming up between slats in the porches and trying to eat the house. We try not to feed the weed plants. No one named Seymour lives here.
7. Maybe replace the carpet in the back rooms. If we don't have dad come and steam clean it again the day before inspection, we may not pass the health bit. Cats don't like that carpet; rather, they like it TOO much.
ARGH! At least we have about 6 weeks before we could be inspected.
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