Okay, fine, I'll say something else
>> Saturday, October 9, 2010
I have pneumonia; or rather, have had it for the last week and hopefully it's going away by now. I'm tentatively looking forward to bedtime, since it'll be the first time in a week I haven't slept sitting up on the couch. My body's done a lot of weird things to me this time around which make me nervous, I was on some drugs I haven't been on before and had some side effects, but my husband and friends have been amazing in taking care of me, so it's all good. I'm really, really hoping that my friend Katharine actually enjoys cooking as much as she says she does, because I quite enjoy eating, and they've been feeding us a lot, and that chicken soup they brought me was really good. I've felt very loved.
It's interesting the ways in which being very sick makes you think about your life. It's one thing to contemplate your mortality, but (and I say this with a relatively healthy self-esteem) when you don't have children or a job or obligations beyond "those people who love you", when you feel miserable it's quite easy to feel dispensable and be okay with it. Like, as a fact, not as a soul-rending emotion or anything. It's just quite logical that, right now, if I were to knock off, lots of people would be emotionally upset, but I don't think anyone would be that physically put out having to replace me. Oddly, I kind of find that comforting, it lets me get on with the getting better without worrying about stupid things.
On the other hand, it meant that instead of feeling like I had to go make amends to everyone I ever harmed, I spent my sofa time recording logins and passwords to bank and loan accounts and simplifying our budget spreadsheet so Lanse could figure it out if I weren't around. Analytical brain... ENGAGE! Gotta love it.
I'm doing much better now, though the cough is still here and making my back ache. One of my drugs ran out though (it was supposed to) so we'll see if I backslide at all in my recovery. I'm praying not, I happen to enjoy breathing and I've got stuff to do.
